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Love Island or shall we say F*%k Island?

Love Island. Just writing those two words you can already here the mass of the U. K’s population chanting “we want more”. The show has rapidly become the most talked about television series of all of 2017’s summer, I mean you would have definitely been living under a rock if you hadn’t even heard the mentioning of the two words.

If you are one of those people that have come across this and thought to yourself ‘Love Island?’ what is that? I’ll break it down for you. A group of singles get released into a villa with one another competing in tasks, coupling off with one another as well as being voted off week by week by the general public. Sounds exciting, doesn’t it? I mean, if you’re into consuming an hour of your life every evening watching egotistical, attention seeking, manipulating liars. Then sure go ahead, knock yourself out.

Aesthetics are ultimately everything this programme has going for it. Fake unrealistic expectations about what the perfect body image should look like – everyone clearly forgetting about the fact that plastic surgery is deemed the only way possible to achieve these false portrayals. Give any plain Jane a few hours of surgery and they will go from looking like ugly Betty to Kim K, as long as you keep the money rolling – so will the surgeries. Cheek, breasts, arse implants? Liposuction? Lip fillers? You name it, these girls have got it. Plain Jane’s do not get air time. If you do not look like someone that will be able to advertise teeth whitening products or attend tacky club appearances after the show finishes you may as well give up any chance of you getting onto it. It’s not discrimination, it’s show business. Speaking of air time. A lot of it was revolved around the bed room and how often the sheets were ruffled. Sorry is that too prudish? The islanders got down and dirty more times than could be counted than the amount of arguments or fags they all consumed - which by matter of fact…was a lot. It’s a shame they’re not porn stars (at least they get a pay check after they’ve been recorded X amount of times.) Something that was once so respected and honoured when a person eventually got to do the deed with a partner, has been forgotten about completely. After a few generous hours of getting to know one of the eligible bachelors that is their ‘type on paper’, give a girl a glass or two of the cheapest bottle of rosé and lights, camera and action sweetie. Talk about showing girls how to self-love, have self-respect and make a guy wait for it instead of taking your knickers off after they give you a cheeky wink and a smile. Come on girls? Where IS the self-restraint? I’m all for women being able to empower themselves and take control for a bit of pleasure but guaranteed the same girls will be crying the next episode after they’ve been fucked and chucked because they’ve become boring after the boys have got what they have wanted – they’re not so eligible and bachelor like now are they ladies? The greatest love poet Shakespeare is going to be gunning for us all because if this is what ‘love’ has come to then get me out of here.

I mean if the whole idea of being coupled up by the immediate decision on someone’s looks – which of course is so self-centred and arrogant, then shall we discuss the unrealistic situations of being able to fall in love with someone after a few short weeks… this isn’t a Disney film boys and girls. It will end in heart break. If you can’t tell me what their favourite dinner/ book/ film/ colour or animal is then sorry but move along. If you can? Congratulations you’ve just passed the first date stage, you may as well take your knickers off now (oh wait, that’s if you’re not in the category of the other girls who lost them after the first hour or so.)

As tacky as the show is, you just can’t help but tune into the following night to catch up on the past 24 hours of arguments, thousands of cigarette consumptions and those quickies in the bedroom. I’m not going to lie to you, I am excited for next year’s series, only to be able to view Oscar worthy acting of being in love in a bid to win the prize money at the end of it all.

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