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Trying to stay high

Experiencing low-self esteem, reminds me of alcohol. Instead of simply drinking however, you have to keep working, because it is all too easy to go back to feeling down again, or in this case – sober.

I have somewhat managed to figure out a solution. Mostly, it involves taking care of myself and doing little things, like up keeping the look of my nails. I know it only takes a couple of ‘bad’ food days, for me to welcome in self-doubt.

I blame it on my perfectionism. This constant need for everything to be a certain way. Even when I look at other people’s Instagram’s or their summer outfits, it’s not so much that I feel jealous, more so, ashamed of myself that I cannot recreate the same.

I can be confident and I can pretend confidence, in a shoot with a photographer with whom I trust. I think most of us live that way; faking it till we make it. Especially when it comes to anything social; we dress up our photos and forge our happiness.

We easily however, can be one drink away from slipping up, or one thought away from being in a rut. Staying high is like a job in itself. As I nearly fell into deep insecurity again, I thought about the work that goes in, to just being positive. Not everyone wakes up naturally happy.

It is almost shameful to admit your bad esteem, unless you are now referring to what a transformation that you have gone through. But there will forever be times in my life, when I am being too critical. Times when I am speaking too negatively and not following my usual, motivating attitude on life.

Embrace it sometimes though. Don’t be afraid to open up and to have room for vulnerability. People will either take comfort in your pain, or they will attempt to make you feel good again. Be that as it may, you are the one who has to really battle to feel good – even alcohol’s high cannot help you with that.

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